stories of the subconscious mind

Stories of the subconscious mind: 1

let me take you down into the rabbit hole that is called the subconscious mind

I found myself dreaming, not in silver and gold, but in grey and dark.

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It is night, darkness everywhere. Every single time, I am surrounded by darkness. I feel a stabbing pain coming up in my head. I don’t know what is wrong with me and I can’t seem to fully open my eyes. 

I tell my mother and without saying a word, she drives me to the hospital. It is weird, I haven’t been in this hospital before. Eventhough I have been in the hospital numerous times, not this one. It is dark and I wonder why there are only so few people around. 

We try to enter the hospital, but my mother can’t seem to come with me. A docter walks up to us and grabs my arm. I ask my mother why she can’t come but she simply stares at me. 

The doctor lies me down in a bed, in the middle of the hospital hallway. I can’t understand why here, why the lights don’t seem to work and why oh why there are so few people around?

The doctor walks away and I yell for him to come back and explain what is going to happen. Silence.

A nurse appears and, again, without saying a word she puts a needle into my arm. I ask her what she is doing and what she is giving me. “Just something to relax you, dear.” 

My head starts to get fuzzy and I feel like she gave me a narcose high. I panic, everything looks blurry and the only person around is the nurse. Suddenly the only thing I can see is her. Grabs the side of the bed and looks me in the eye. Then she pushes the bed out of the sudden, with an unknown strength. The bed starts spinning around, I am screaming and she is laughing. At one point I can’t hold on to the bed anymore and fall onto the ground. 

I am alone. The nurse dissapeard, the docter walked away and my mom is outside. The ground is soft and I feel like I am becoming one with it. I close my eyes and feel myself emerging.

The moment I feel I am completely emerged, the wind starsts blowing. Louder and louder and louder. I open my eyes and I am sitting on the back of a motorcycle, holding on for dear life. I don’t know anything about motorcycles, but I definitely knew the guy in front of me was going way too fast. I notice how the motorcycle starts to swing and I feel like he is losing control. I can’t do a thing but hold on tight. And then a crash, and everything dark. Just where it started.

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This dream really shook me up. Last year I have been dealing with mental health issues and some hospital visits. A lot of uncertancy and mixed feelings came along. Because everything happened inside my head, it was very hard for other people to understand. That is why I think I dreamed about the lonelyness. I dealt with a lot of people not understanding me and judging me. It made me feel weak. This is why I think the nurse spun me around. The not-in-control feeling that I have been having for the past year is all this dream is about.

Dreaming about being in a hospital could mean that you or someone in your life needs some kind of healing. It could be physical, mental or even spiritual. This could mean that someone needs help. It can also mean that you need to take more responsibility for own health, instead of expecting other people to cure you.

Dreaming about abandonment can mean that you are not trusting yourself in some way. It can also mean that there are people who need to be more appreciated in your life or that there is something you drasticly need to let go in your life.

This was the second story of the subconscious mind. If you ever have a dream and you want to talk about it, make sure to hit me up. Instagram: @nickyknols.

I wish you all the stars,

-N

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