stories of the subconscious mind

Stories of the subconscious mind: 2

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“Please, let me sleep.”

I am in my room. I wake up in the middle of the night and I try and switch on my light. When I switch it on my room is different, completely different. Suddenly people start walking in. My mom, my dad, my brother, but also random people. And one pearticular guy who just keeps staring and smiling.

I get out of bed and follow them around. There is this girl who I haven’t seen her face of. We all walk to the bathroom and the moment I look in the mirror I scream. The girl in front of me, is me, bald. I walk behind her and try to talk to people but no one can hear me. I feel like I am in some kind of alternate reality. I go back to bed.

I close my eyes and try to breathe. I need to wake up, I need to wake up. I start screaming, hoping that my real body makes a noise and people come and help me. But I can’t wake up. It doesn’t work.

We’re in a thriftshop years ago. I have never been here before. I walk around looking for shoes and my brother and dad are sitting by the table. Suddenly I get into a fight with my brother, my dad won’t let me talk and I cry and walk away.

I wake up in my dark changed room again. I try and switch on the lights but it doesn’t work. Then suddenly my family walks in again. But my brother has different parents, my parents have different children, and I have no one. I run onto the hallway and a band is playing. I scream and scream, hoping for anyone to hear me. But the only one who seems to notice me, is the smiling guy.

I go back to bed again. I close my eyes and tell myself that I need to wake up. Wake up Nicky, wake the fuck up. Louder and louder and louder. My heart starts pounding, my voice starts scratching. But still no one listenes.

I open my eyes and wake up in a dark room. I see a blonde guy standing in the corner but fading, fading, fading. Until he is gone. I switch on my light and I am in my normal room. Freaked out. I look at the time and see that all the time that has passed with me sleeping, was just 30 minutes.

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“My brain says ‘move’, but my body says ‘bite me’.

SO, I am writing this now. Freaking myself out just a little more. It is 12:30am and I don’t even know what the fuck just happened. I never had a dream this crazy and I am afraid to go to sleep. I don’t want this ever again.

I did a little digging and found out that I had a combination of sleepparalysis and sleepclaustrophobia. Sleepparalysis is when you feel completely conscious but you can’t move. Often, people see things and it can be really frightning. I think this is what happened at the very end when I saw the man in my room but I couldn’t move until he completely vanished. Sleepclaustrophobia is when you are lucid dreaming (knowing that you are dreaming and trying to control the dream) but can’t wake yourself up. This is what happened when I was dreaming and knowing I was asleep.

Dreaming of unknown men can mean that there is a lot of change in your life. This calls true to me because I am starting uni and a lot of things are changing on personal level. However, the man I encountered in my dream seemed evil to me. I still don’t feel well whenever I think about his expression and the energy he had around him. Like he knew things I didn’t and like he was the person keeping me in the dream. 

My mother had a theory that the evil smiling man was a representation of my control. The week before the dream I had my orientation week and I had to let go of every piece of control and routine. She said that it is possible that I feel haunted by it and that I can feel like it is trying to imprison me.

If you ever have a crazy or creepy dream, make sure to hit me up. Instagram: @nickyknols.

I wish you all the stars,

-N

 

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